Receiving my brother's blessing

I'm hanging out here on facebook this lovely evening and I see multiple reasons for celebration.

Announcements of engagements.

Pictures of weddings.

Babies being born.

Dreams being fulfilled.

For some time my response to these things is an outward celebration and an inward jealousy, but the Lord has been speaking to me about this for some time. And by some time I mean over and over again for the last 8 or 9 years.
Romans 12:15 says this:


Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.

Paul is instructing the Romans in Christians gifts and behavior in this passage. And he slips this one in there. Out of the blue, really. As to say, "Hey, don't think higher or lower of yourself compared to your brother, but live life together! Victories AND defeats!" I have observed that many christians share the tendency to get secretly jealous when we don't get our victory, our dream, our husband, our wife, our kids.

I know the feeling. It sucks when someone gets something you want. You can even end up wounding your own heart over it and grow bitter against victories. It could even be a reason the church lavishes itself in dismay and false humility.

I heard a speaker once share a story about a family with 6 or 7 children. I don't remember. Enough where your typical military family food budget has to be stretched thin every week. And once a week on shopping day, the mother would either take one of the kids with her or bring one of the kids a treat when she arrived home. And when this happened, the kids learned that one was not loved more over another, but rather it was simply another's turn. If not today, soon the next child will have the chance to receive a treat, or go grocery shopping with mom.

And in our christian walk, it's the same. Because your freind got married and you didn't, doesn't mean God loves you less or forgot about you. It simply means your turn is coming.

So when the weddings come? Dance. Dreams fulfilled? Laugh in victory. Success marks people? Throw a party! And the babies show up? Well, I guess babysitting now and again might let you share in the joy and relieve the parents from it for a few hours. Christians are marked by our love for one another. So let's celebrate in love!

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the LORD Forever.

Psalm 23:6

Knowing the depths of an Unknowable God

A little while ago, I was driving up with a friend from San Diego to Pasadena for a conference. Near the beginning of the drive, we were talking about life, Jesus, and whatever. In the middle of the conversation she brings up something she went through the night before. She was lying in bed having frantic thoughts of wanting to go deeper with God because there was so much more of God to have. And by frantic thoughts, I mean Panic attack status. Not your run of the mill, 'That'd be nice' thoughts. More of a heavy breathing, my life is falling apart without this mentality. My first inward response was something to the effect of "Lady, you are kind of freaking me out", in a very sarcastic tone. And as life goes on, I forgot about our conversation and my friends bedtime freak-out. I am driving in my car today and God brings up this memory of my friend telling me this. But in the oh-so elegant way God does, I have a matrix moment where everything hits me in 3 seconds and all of a sudden, I can preach a message on it. I start to ask myself this question, why do I not have this attitude? I start to realize the depths of God I have never explored and this hunger groans from within me. Then the thought really hits me... "WHY DON'T ALL CHRISTIANS HAVE THIS ATTITUDE?!" The presence of God falls on me in the car in such a way I almost take out with my car your local Mammoth jogger jogging down the street. Yeah, you should have seen his face when he almost went to go meet Jesus. He gave me the hawaiian peace sign. In Ephesians 3:18-19(NKJV) we see this: 18 may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— 19 to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. First off, Paul is asking God that we may be strengthened in our inner man so Christ may dwell in us so that we can comprehend first the entire volume of the love of God. And exactly what does that mean? To be able to fathom the unfathomable. Something that is in of it self the very nature of our creator. Love. To understand the thoughts, actions, emotions, and very nature of the One who created the universe. I thought to myself, why do I not seek more of this. Not simply understanding with my mind, but understanding in my heart. To have more and more of the revelation of the very heart of Christ on the cross. Having that understanding completely wreck me and consume me. Not to say that I or others haven't experienced it to some degree. But my issue was, was I settling for the finite when I serve a God of the infinite.? And in the later part of this verse, Paul connects knowing the love in fullness with having the very fullness of God within us. Now this is my thought; If the fullness of God dwelling within us is connected to knowing the love of God that surpasses knowledge, how much of God's love am I willing to search? To ask for? To understand? To experience? I feel like this is a beginning marker in my journey. A remembrance stone or altar unto the Lord. Like when Jacob raised the stone he used as a pillow and anointed it with oil as a stone of remembrance. He named that place Beth-El which literally means, "House of God". I will probably be writing on this subject a bit more as my journey unfolds as a stone of remembrance of sort. Not to simply reemphasize the importance of His presence, but rather as a challenge of How much of God do you really want? Enough to get through the day? The week? This life maybe? Or do you want the entire fullness of God? The ever expanding wells of His Spirit? The unknowable depths of His love? I too, like Paul, pray that you would "know" the love of Christ that surpasses "knowledge".